Gomenasai
by RANDOMNATIONS
Summary: songfic to "Gomenasai" by t.A.T.u. SasoDei character death


For my Danna. Who won't check her email, but whatev. I don't need her to review all my stuff anyway…

Disclaimer: Me no own. If I did they would all be dead.

Warnings: Char. Death.

Synopsis for those who cannot read into things what they should: Sasori dies trying to rape/kill Deidara after Dei-Dei-chan breaks up with him. Biiiig whoop. We all know Deidara cannot sustain a relationship for long without a serious personality change.

He said he liked that I was irrational. Well, now I had gone irrational on his ass and _he didn't like it_. I can't for the life of me see why. It's not like I killed him or anything. It's not like the _brat_ killed his _Danna_. No, that would never happen. Not while I'm on watch.

He's not mine, I know that. I'm his. He isn't mine. It just doesn't work like that.

I walk into his room; it's a completely different me that walked out a half an hour before.

_What I thought wasn't mine  
In the light  
Wasn't one of a kind,  
A precious pearl _

_  
_It was a bloody mess. I screamed out, but a hand clamped over my windpipe. It choked the breath out of that scream, and it flew around the room like an untied balloon. I was alone in the room. I sat down heavily on the bloodstained bed, right next to the bloodstained _him_. It was just a puppet. A blood-coated puppet. I had seen many of those in my missions with him. Yet this one was… different.

I knew where that hand had come from. I swallowed hard and didn't dare try to scream again. I didn't want to follow that hand, the one that had receded for now into the darkness that Danna had called my soul. See, I'm not sure if I have a soul anymore.

I followed the hand down into the mess of darkness. It was closer than I have ever wanted to get to this thing within me. Immediately, another hand was slammed over my mouth. I tried to struggle, but the darkness was holding me tight. I tried to cry out, but I couldn't. It just wouldn't come out.

_When I wanted to cry  
I couldn't cause I  
Wasn't allowed_

He was gone. It hit me. He was gone, and now I was alone. I had killed him, and it was all my fault that I was alone. I was _alone_. I tried to cry, to cry out all the tears that were welling inside me. But something was holding them down, down there. It was pointless. I soon gave in to dry heaves, and, shoulders shaking, I bent over his frail puppet body. Corpse, more like.

_Gomenasai for everything  
Gomenasai, I know I let you down  
Gomenasai till the end  
I never needed a friend  
Like I do now_

I felt like I was going to be ripped apart on the inside, like my heart would just go flying out of my body to land right next to his. I wish it had. But it looked like it wasn't going to. If that's how it was, fine.

_What I thought wasn't all  
So innocent  
Was a delicate doll  
Of porcelain_

I never thought I could break like this. It just didn't make sense. I was supposed to be strong, I was supposed to be a suicide bomber, for chrissake. They had to be strong, did they not? Well, I guess some of them were just stupid. But I wasn't one of the stupid ones, was I?

_WAS I?_

I thought about running to someone's room. Someone had to be in their room, and that someone could clear all this up.

_When I wanted to call you  
And ask you for help  
I stopped myself_

No, that would be stupid and idiotic. _Baka_, I slapped myself. I should never want help from anyone else. I don't deserve their help. I don't deserve their anything, and when I get it, this happens. All that is keeping me sane dies. Dies forever, by my hand.

_Gomenasai for everything  
Gomenasai, I know I let you down  
Gomenasai till the end  
I never needed a friend  
Like I do now_

I thought he was all a dream at first. Not real, not real. Nothing was real back then. I was so ecstatic I could barely feel his arms around me. I couldn't feel anything but the love I was overflowing with.

_What I thought was a dream  
A mirage  
Was as real as it seemed  
A privilege_

But then it all went away. I had always been one for quick flings, never staying long. I honestly thought I would love you forever, but it just turned out differently. Gommennasai.

_When I wanted to tell you  
I made a mistake  
I walked away_

I went to go tell you, but then there you were, playing with your puppets. You smiled, walked over, kissed my forehead. I stammered something out, and you laughed. I can't even remember what you said, but I blushed, ducked my head and made an excuse to leave.

You said I was always welcome in your room.

_**Gomenasai, for everything  
Gomenasai, Gomenasai,  
Gomenasai,  
I never needed a friend,  
Like I do now  
Gomenasai, I let you down  
Gomenasai, Gomenasai,  
Gomenasai till the end  
I never needed a friend  
Like I do now **_


End file.
